Saturday 4 December 2010

Friday 26 November 2010

BUSTed

Sometimes when looking at Greek and Roman busts I have found their stillness and sobriety unnerving. Like standing on the edge of a sheer drop and feeling the urge to jump off, I have often wanted to punch or exert some kind of aggression onto these sculptures that look flawlessly human but are inhumanly still. I am sometimes waiting for one to twitch, of course I know it will not. And then I wonder what one of these busts would look like with a massive crater in its face where it had been punched, as a way to disturb this sea of calm? What if we could see more than just a scar or bruise left on a person's body after they were attacked? What if instead, we could see the impact of that punch or slap as a permanent recess on the body? I wanted to consider the damage we inflict on our own and other bodies as permanent marks not just a fading scar. Having never punched any one before I was also interested to know the physical impact of what throwing a punch would have on my own body.

I have been living in Germany this term and for (almost) everyone, being away from home for an extended amount of time can make you miss the ones you love - like your friends and family. So when I decided to use my Dad as the subject of this bust project, the reasons were as much about his absence and recreating his presence as a comment on my relationship with him.

When I told my friend Luna about the project and she looked at the photographs that my Dad had sent me of himself, she said something along the lines of 'aww.. you miss your Father so much that you have decided to sculpt him' (the comment was a lot less patronising then it reads). Which is true to an extent and so defacing the finished bust would signify the frustration and realisation of never being able to bring an inanimate object to life, no matter how realistic a resemblance it may have to something living. My thought at that moment was: "Missing something or someone and the impossibility of its/their presence." 

As well as knowing right from the start that the finished bust would be defaced, I also knew that I wanted to document the entire process of making the sculpture, from the first blob of clay to the final blow. I knew that I would document this process by filming it. I wanted to record working for long periods of time in solitude, the labour intensive nature of making a piece of 'Art'. The bust would also be an endurance piece, hours and hours of trying to create the most naturalistic reproduction of someone's head. The filming from each day, as well as observing the evolution of the bust, would observe me and the swing in my moods and emotions whilst I was working. For this reason, I am treating the 16-hour film of the entire creative process of making the bust as the documentation of a private performance piece. 

While sculpting, I did a lot of thinking too since it is inevitable when you are alone for hours and working with you hands and eyes, but not your head. Of course I thought about my Dad, so it is fair to say that the attack on his bust could be a comment on my feelings towards him and our relationship. However, this reading of the piece may only be relevant if you recognise that bust as my Dad's, or if you know my him and me and our relationship. To anyone who does not, the video tells the story of a frustrated art student who is not happy/satisfied with her work (sound familiar?). This case leads me to a final reading of the piece, one which looks at it within a wider context. 

I think it was the fifth day which I found particularly enduring. While looking at the bust, I could not help but see all the inaccuracies and how much it did not look like my dad at all. It was one of the days when you ask yourself 'will this ever be finished?' and 'why am I doing this again?'. 
(The million dollar question) Why do we make Art? It got me thinking about why busts are made or were made in the past- to commemorate or immortalise a figure in society perhaps? That is particularly the case for the Roman and Greek busts that triggered the idea for this piece in the first place. Regardless, the point I want to stress is that they were commissioned. They were not the vision of the artist but the vision of a society and its Ruler. AND IS THIS ART? Being an art student in this day and age, I can not help but feel compelled to answer this question with a NO!


NO! NO! no! NO! no! NO! noooooooooo! NO! NO!NO! no! for the millionth time NO! I am so NO! and against this outdated notion of art that I  will make a anatomical study of my father's bust in the style of a Roman Emperor and then destroy it. And call THAT art.
 
Later, when I was discussing the defaced bust with my Mum on Skype, I asked her whether she thought I had ruined it. She said no, but that she could understand why other people would think I had. I had partially distorted something that before had held such a likeness to its subject. I appreciate this, but to me it is the appropriation of tradition into a current and my own personal context, the mark of human impulse, and suggestion of human emotion which makes this piece defined as "Art"(and relevant) and therefore not just an anatomical study.

Finally, I remember right before attacking the bust, as I worked the finishing touches, it dawned on me how hard the clay had become. I realised that my punches may not be strong enough to create the dramatically misshapen face I had initially envisaged- an avalanche of its features. Sure enough this was the case and the marks of my fists were small dents, more like ripples of water than the thrashing waves of clay I had hoped for. Such small marks in comparison to the energy I had exerted to make them- my hands were shaking, the joint on my middle finger was cut and my knuckles were bruised for days afterwards. Through creative endurance I had made a durable piece of art. This reminded me of the relationships we have with the people we love and in the end, how strong that love can be.

Thursday 25 November 2010


The other Sunday, after a lazy day of not leaving my room, I decided to go for a walk, to clear my head and stretch my legs. It was dusk and while walking it struck me that although I was aware of the changing light, it was impossible to pinpoint the individual moments/miliseconds of darkness creeping in. 
Above are sketches for an installation piece which looks at gradual changing light. There will be a room lit only by a candle which will pass through a painted glass tube as it slowly burns down to nothing. 
The candle will be small but its shadows cast will fill the room; cover every surface.
These shadows will be constantly changing because the location of the light source will be too. 
Like me walking through the English Gardens at dusk, the viewer will be unable to register each alteration of light but may be aware that it is happening.

Thursday 18 November 2010




Roger Ballen fotografien 2869-2009 12.11.2010- 27.02.2011
yesyesyesjajaja go see. website: http://www.stadtmuseum-online.de/aktuell/ballen.html

life drawing





shaking and bruised hands after punches and slaps


On Tuesday 16th November, the bust was declared finished. The day before, the casting technician Sephan George pointed out that it might be better to leave finer details until after the cast has been made and dried as they could be lost in the process. Therefore, my priority for the clay bust was to make sure that it had sufficient volume; I plan to work directly on the plaster cast for details such as the hair and ears. 
This may come as a bit of a shock, but the plan from the onset of this project was to deface the bust once completed through an impulsive and physical attack; punching and slapping. There are many reasons why I have wanted to do this (for some time) which I will go into in more detail at a later date (I have a been keeping a written diary throughout the production of this bust which I will re-read/extract from/edit/add to and publish on this blog).


Here are some stills from the videos of me attacking the finished clay bust:





I begin casting this afternoon


sound/light/Morse Code project begins

Last weekend Sarah and I recorded our friend Meagan singing for our Morse Code project, she studies opera so her voice is very powerful and clear. All we asked her to do was hold a note for a few seconds, she varied the amount of vibrato for each recording so that we had as much material as possible to work with. This audio file will be edited into Morse Code and played out of the speaker on one side of the partition.  A Power-point presentation will be created out of blank and black slides which when projected on the other side of the partition will produce Morse Code through pulses of light.
Last night Sarah and I stayed up far too late creating these audio and light shows. Sarah had never used her audio editing software before so the atmosphere was a bit tense for a while as we tried to work out how to cut and arrange 0.5sec intervals of sound without deleting everything. My job was a lot easier: to create the Power-point presentation of blank and black slides. 


A full stop represents a second of sound/light, a space represents a second of silence/darkness, a dash represents two-seconds of sound/light and a forward slash represents two-seconds of darkness. This is the Morse Code conversation that the speaker and projector will be having:


speaker: .... .. 

projector: .... . .-.. .-.. --- 

speaker: .. .----. -- /  ... .- .-. .- .... --..-- /  .-- .... .- - .----. ... /  -.-- --- ..- .-. /  -. .- -- . ..--.. 

projector .--- . ... ... .-.-.- /  .-- .... . .-. . /  .- .-. . /  -.-- --- ..- /  ..-. .-. --- -- ..--.. 

speaker: . -. --. .-.. .- -. -.. .-.-.- /  .... --- .-- /  .- -... --- ..- - /  -.-- --- ..- ..--.. 

projector: -- . /  - --- --- /  .-- .... .- - /  .- .-. . /  -.-- --- ..- /  -.. --- .. -. --. /  .... . .-. . ..--..  
speaker: ... - ..- -.. -.-- .. -. --. /  .- .-. -  

- .... .- - .----. ... /  ..-. ..- -. -. -.-- .-.-.- /  .. /  .- -- /  .- ... /  .-- . .-.. .-.. 




Wednesday 17 November 2010

sound/light/Morse Code project plan

this is another project Sarah and I are working on together



This wooden partition will be covered in aluminium foil on both sides and a hole will be cut through it with a diameter of about 7cm. There will be a speaker on one side and a projector on the other. They will be communicating to each other through Morse Code.

Sunday 14 November 2010

collaboration in/with/around Munich 4

Yesterday was a beautifully sunny Saturday; perfect weather for an outdoor collaboration with Sarah. It had been a while since we had done one of these but I think it may have been my favourite. The photographs were taken by Jay:

Friday 12 November 2010

Day 9. Today was a difficult day. With turpentine fumes filling the studio and a heavy post-lunch sugarkicksnackingsession to keep me going through the afternoon, I started to feel kInDa CrAzY and shaky (and a little sweaty).  Although I desperately wanted the bust to be finished ready for casting on Monday,  I could not ignore the disproportions and inaccuracies I noticed when stepping away from it. In an attempt to correct my poor modelling, I dashed down to the casting workshop  for more clay. It was shut (of course!). I was very frustrated and forced to accept that I would have to wait until next week (Tuesday) for the the neck to be thickened and hair to be volumised; for the bust to be- all fingers crossed- ready. punched. cast. completed.